The receiving end of child care

As a soon-to-be working mom, I need to explore who is going to take care of my child while I'm at work. I've begun thinking about getting a nanny or possibly going with a child care center. I've been on the other side of child care quite a bit in my life, from being a child care provider to being an advocate for child care expansion and affordability. I knew the issues exist, such as high cost and long wait lists. It sure makes it all that much more real, though, when this is now my issue to find a solution.

Since I have been both a child care teacher at a day care and worked as a nanny, I feel as though I have some insight into the type of care I would like. I would prefer a nanny, at least for the first year, as she could provide individual attention. I would also be able to keep my child at home in a setting familiar for him/her. Day cares try to get all the kids on the same schedule, and this can be hard on a little one. I haven't found that infants really care to interact with other babies, rather they just want to be held and fed. After looking at this option, though, I have realized that having a nanny is quite expensive.

So, I decided to call some child care centers to look for infant care, even though this is not my preference. My first stumbling block occurred when I found out that many child care centers do not provide care until age 2 1/2. This is obviously not helpful. What do families do for the first 2 1/2 years? I finally got a place on the phone that does provide infant care but come to find out they have a wait list til October 2012. I wondered how this is even possible. Do they reserve spots for kids before they are even born? To even be put on a wait list, I would have to give a non-refundable deposit. I would like to get on multiple wait lists so that way I can take advantage of the first spot that opens. Having to put a non-refundable deposit down really limits that possibility. I also feel like my situation could change before October 2012. Maybe I will decide I want a place close to my house.. wherever that would be. I was also not happy to find out that this particular place did not offer part-time care for infants. I'm hoping to work from home part-time or go in late so we don't need full-time care. She stated they only offer full-time care for infants because of the difficult transitions. Now, I know this is complete bull as I have provided care for infants before. Infants adjust better than older kids with multiple care-takers. It is not typically until they are 2 or 3 that they start to get upset when they are dropped off at day care. And to make things worse, I asked about scheduling a tour and she told me that tours are scheduled between 9-3:30 Monday-Friday. Now, if I could come in during those times I would probably not be looking for child care in the first place. In conclusion, after this one phone call, I think I will look more into getting a nanny.

One option I have been thinking about is looking for a nanny-share, where I would share a nanny with one or more families. We would alternate homes or just pick one to do the care. This seems to make having a nanny a little more affordable. While it seems extremely late in the game to look for a child care center, it is too early to find a nanny. Most nannies are looking to get hired right away. I'm just wondering, though, if I need to start looking at child care centers now for when my child is 2 years old. Oh goodness, the decisions never end.

Father's Day

This past weekend was Father's Day and during my yoga class we were asked how we imagine a father's role. It was making me think about how I don't imagine Joshua's role much differently than mine. In fact, I feel really blessed to say we have a great partnership, and I believe we will work as a team raising our kid. I feel very fortunate to have such a loving person in my life who will be there to support me through the rest of my pregnancy, the labor, parenting, and beyond. In supporting each other, I imagine that we will be there for one another, as we always have, to provide balance in our home. When I feel overwhelmed, he may step up to provide comfort to me or simply do the cooking that night. And same with him, if he feels stressed out, I will be there to provide peacefulness and do the mundane tasks that need to be done. It brings so much comfort to me knowing that I have such a loving, supportive person in my life to go through this journey with me. Knowing that I have someone and our child has someone to rely on through thick and thin is such a completely amazing feeling. Being a father means doing many of the things we do already... just doing them now for another person as well. Joshua brings laughter, love, and so many other wonderful things in my life. He has talents and knowledge of the world that I do not have. Just as he opens my eyes and teaches me things, I see him doing this for our child.

Happy father-to-be day to the love of my life! I know you are going to be an amazing father, and I am so excited to watch your relationship grow with our child.

26 weeks

Coming closer to the end of pregnancy brings on new changes. Yesterday at my yoga class our mantra was, "I love my changing body." I am trying to embrace the changes that my body undertakes every day. It is hard though when so many of the changes bring about aches and pains. I got the worst leg cramp last night while I was sleeping. I think I scared Joshua half to death as I screamed out in pain. My leg still hurts today. And I could complain about how my feet and back hurt. I think all of these changes though remind me how important it is to nurture my body.

I am committed to doing some form of exercise every day. I usually walk to and from work every day, and I have been going to yoga 1-2 times a week. And I am thinking about going swimming this weekend. Exercise has taken on a whole new experience. I find it a great time to not only rejuvenate myself but is also a great time to connect with the baby growing inside me. Yoga has been a continually changing process, as some poses are ever so challenging with a pregnant body while some seem easier or more comforting as I seem to have developed more flexibility in areas. My body craves the movement from exercise, and it always feels good to stretch my body through these aches that I have never felt before.

I am also trying to accept and love the way my body looks as it is changing. I did not think I would be so self conscious about my belly but sometimes it just looks huge to me! And I think, gosh it is only June.. how much bigger will it get? Or I think how I just look fat rather than pregnant. I was actually surprised that I have been having these feelings as I have always thought pregnant women look so beautiful. It's one thing to see a cute pregnant woman and then see myself in the mirror. I'm learning to embrace my changing body though. My belly is an ever constant reminder that I no longer have just me to worry about in this world. I have a huge responsibility to nourish myself with good foods and treat my body with love as I am growing a new person inside of me! At night, I love laying down and looking at my belly as it moves. My belly sometimes looks like waves as little seamonkey swims around.

Yesterday, I was somewhat comforted to know that people are beginning to notice that I am pregnant. I was asked for the first time if I am pregnant. People may have been noticing for a while but have not felt comfortable asking. I am always embarrassed to have people talk about me (especially my body) but was relieved to know that others are concluding I am pregnant rather than just fat.

I think now might be a good time to treat my body to a massage or something else completely relaxing. It's hard work making a baby!

Picture is of me at 26 weeks, 4 days.

Ups and Downs of Pregnancy

I only have 99 days left!!! Whoohoo. So excited to be closer to my due date but also nervous about getting prepared.

These last few weeks have been very busy! I have had my 24 week doctor appointment, had a house guest, went camping at a music festival, traveled to Vail for work, and of course regular day to day stuff. My doctor's appointment went very well. Baby and me both seem healthy. I am measuring a week or two big though so was advised to watch my weight gain. I certainly have been surprised how easily the weight goes on (and I am sure it won't come off so quickly)! I think after 3-4 months of all day nausea I have had a huge urge to eat all the time. :)

On our way back from the doctor's appointment, we had a little scare. While still in the doctor's office, I was feeling really hot and suddenly felt as though I needed to eat something. Joshua commented on how my face was really red. We left the hospital, and I felt intensely more hot even being in an air conditioned car. I also got a sharp constant pain in my left side of my abdomen. I suddenly felt as though I were going to pass out. My vision was going away, and I felt nauseous. I told Joshua this, and he pulled over. Joshua called the doctor's office as we sat parked at a gas station. I began to feel better, thankfully, even before the nurse got on the phone. I still felt really weak but didn't feel as though I would pass out anymore. Joshua put me on the phone to talk to the nurse, and after asking me several questions she said that I should be okay. She thinks the baby might have been pressing up against an artery which made me nearly pass out. The nurse also stated that it is common but if I pass out frequently I should give them a call again. I haven't felt like that again and am hoping I don't through the rest of this pregnancy.

On another down side of pregnancy, I got sick again last week. I walk to work almost every day and on this one day it was already pretty hot on my way to work. I was drinking water but think I might have started to overheat. As soon as I walked into my office, I had to head to the bathroom. I'm afraid how the rest of this summer is going to go if I am already overheating in the beginning of June. I am trying to stay in the shade and wear a hat whenever I am outside. I also carry my water bottle every where I go, and we have installed an ac unit in the bedroom. Hopefully I'll find ways to stay cool this summer.

On an up side, I had so much fun camping in the mountains last weekend! We went camping in Pagosa Springs at a folk/bluegrass festival with friends. We got an air mattress to try to make sleeping on the ground as comfortable as possible. I slept pretty well but woke up with a few extra aches and pains, especially in the hips. Besides the hips, though, camping was as fun as always! I made sure to stay in the shade and drink plenty of water, especially after my near-passing out incident. All in all, I found camping to be really relaxing and a relief from the Denver heat. I can't wait to plan our next trip!

These past two weeks or so I have been feeling the baby move all the time and he/she sure does kick hard! Most of the time it feels as though it is doing somersaults. I can even see it move! There really is a being growing inside of me. Unbelievable sometimes.

We also made a few more purchases for the baby. We bought a "Baby Jogger" stroller and a Moby wrap. The baby jogger isn't actually a jogging stroller but does have nicer wheels to get around places. The thing we liked most about this stroller was its quick fold up and light weight. I also bought some more cloth diapers.. going to give prefolds a go. Oh! And we hired a doula. After several interviews we are going with a personal recommendation. I feel really relieved to know that someone we feel comfortable with will be with us in the delivery room.

Only two weeks left of the Second Trimester!

My feet hurt!

First, I must say that overall I have been feeling great. It is so wonderful to be able to eat again and have energy. I hardly feel pregnant most days.. except that I have to pee in the middle of the night all the time now. My one complaint is that my feet hurt. It is mostly my right foot which has bothered me in the past. I suppose I need to go looking for some new shoes this weekend.

I feel as though the second trimester is quickly coming to an end. I am in the middle of week 23 right now. The first few months dragged on but now time is speeding by! Joshua and I have made some progress with baby purchases and decisions. We've bought a car seat and a few more outfits, and I think we have decided what stroller we want. We have also met with a couple of doulas this week and should hire one within the next week. The crib and other furniture will have to wait for a while.

I didn't think my belly was looking too big until I took this picture. I've seen other women who are about the same week as me and have thought they look so pregnant. Now looking at this picture, I think I look huge! Joshua says I look noticeably pregnant, while I still think I just look as though I have gotten fat.

Team Green

Since Joshua and I are not finding out the baby's sex, we are part of "team green". The other teams are, of course, "team blue" for boys and "team pink" for girls. First of all, I wonder why are they called "teams"? Are we all fighting each other and who is the coach telling us how to play? If there was one team I would want my child to feel a loyalty to it would be the ambiguous green team (here hopefully my child can explore the best of all worlds). If my child wants to play soccer and be a princess, he/she has that right. My child may discover that he/she wants to be part of team blue or team pink, and I think it will be easier for her/him to make a step in that direction rather than a huge leap from pink to blue (or blue to pink).

I am amazed at how much all baby stuff is genderized from clothes to car seats. Walking into stores, there are distinctly a boys section and a girls section. Being team green is challenging as this "mysterious" gender does not fit into the binary categories of boy or girl. Part of my reason for not wishing to find out the sex of my future kid is to not place it into one of these extreme categories. My boy may like to play with dolls and paint his nails and by all means should if that is what he wants to do. I am simply not a fan of all blue for boys and pink dresses for girls. Dressing in color coded outfits seems to make a code for the general public. "This child is pink, so you should tell her she is a beautiful princess." I think there should be some sort of in between and some sort of allowance for children to develop into the person they want to be rather than who we as parents assume they will be. I have been able to find a few outfits but it looks like my poor child is stuck with only yellow. (I haven't found much green despite my team's name.) I know that one day I will find out my child's sex and cannot live in denial that my child is biologically a boy or girl. For now, though, I am happy to think of my baby as just that... a baby. My hopes and dreams for my child does not change whether it is a boy or girl.

Here is an except from a poem by Kahlil Gibran. I find it humbling in thinking about my role as a parent. I will strive to make sure their dreams are filled with endless possibilities.

On Children

Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

So Many Decisions!!!

There are so many things we need to decide from classes to birthing place to diapers and on and on... Joshua and I took a cloth diaper class last weekend as we would really like to this. There are so many options though for cloth diapering! You can do prefolds, all-in-ones, fitted, or inserts and you have choices with fabric. I was feeling very overwhelmed as the instructor was saying the type of diaper that will work best for your baby will all depend on your baby. But how do I prepare then?! We then took a class on "baby wearing". This was a class about all the options in baby carriers and how to wear them. Again so many options!!!

This past week I have been thinking a lot about my birth plan (or lack of therefore!). I feel limited in where/how I can give birth through my insurance. I have the one option of giving birth at St. Joe's Hospital. I won't know who my doctor is when I give birth (just whoever is on call). For the good and bad, the hospital gives the most births out of any place in Colorado. For many of these reasons plus others, I've been thinking more about hiring a doula and have set up a couple of appointments for interviews. I am hoping that by having a doula throughout my labor I can have a natural birth and feel very supported as compared to having doctors/nurses that I don't know come in my room every once in a while to give me instructions on medicine.

I also cancelled my childbirth class at the hospital this week. After researching all the many different types of classes available, I registered for a "birthing from within" course at the same place I have been taking prenatal yoga classes. This class is supposed to prepare mothers and partners for a natural birth more so than the hospital would. I was told this class also helps you prepare mentally for childbirth in ways that other classes don't really address.

So, I have made some steps this week. Got some appointments scheduled with doulas and scheduled a childbirth class. I also bought some pre-fold diapers! I was feeling a little anxious about not having bought anything for the baby yet while knowing I am half way there! So, now I have something for our little baby. It makes me feel a little accomplished even though in the back of my mind I am still wondering how will decide on the right car seat and what should be the baby's sleeping arrangement? But, for now, I will set aside all of those thoughts and be happy that I have made a few decisions this week.